Today I am wearing a classic black sheath with a wildly printed top underneath. I felt happy wearing this outfit. It is a reprise of an outfit I wore last fall. The colors are quite "fall" and I am still sporting party hair ;-)
I am sorry I did not respond to every one who shared their insight with me on my last post. So much of what you all wrote rang true to me or was simple good advice.
Up until my revelation earlier this evening I was disappointed about my party -- the lack of attendance. It was hard for me to admit I was disappointed but there it was. Then I realized that I have different values. I bring all of myself to my interactions with people. I'm not kidding when I say "we should get together" or "let's have lunch". I value authentic expression and expect that others are being authentic until they give me a reason to believe that is not true. Not everyone else is comfortable being who they are or telling the truth about themselves and their preferences. They breeze through relationships with platitudes, pleasantries, and empty smiles. Clearly, in my bliss I'd forgotten this information. As a result I'd fallen into the trap of thinking that my definition of friend is the same as everyone else's. I guess I've come to the realization that words like, "awesome", "rockstar", "superstar", "icon", "diva", and yes, "friend" are words that have become so overused as to mean less than nothing.
It struck me that I probably know my real friends' physical addresses and phone numbers by heart; that wasn't the case for the people who said they'd come then chose not to show. I'm sure there's a catchy hash tag phrase in there somewhere, but I'll let you all decide what that is.
I usually do not return to threads to update them but I thought this was important for people who will read this after my feelings have passed. I have come to a sense of peace about this party. I was reflecting today as I reorganized my closet. (I'm putting away the summer stuff and pulling out the winter clothes.)
This whole situation was a gift and a graduation of sorts. It was a gift because this was the opportunity I needed to see who in my life had values aligned with my own. I needed to do some long neglected reorganization of my friendships. I love to use metaphors to illustrate my point, so bear with my while I change into a Grayhound bus. As a Grayhound bus. I pick up people (relationships) who come along for the ride -- some get off at certain turns and stops others stay on for the long haul.
Since I got the idea 10 years ago that I need to change my career and pursue becoming a tax attorney, people have been slowly getting off every time I make a new stop on my journey and not many people have been getting on or staying on. Over the course of these 10 years I picked up a co-pilot (DH) and his support means more to me than a bus load of people. Ridership was going down and that was scaring the heck out of me, but it did not scare me more than giving up on myself.
This party resulted in a MASS exodus. People were running to get off the bus left and right and it scared me. (Am I going to be all alone???) But now I truly understand that the people left on the bus are in it for the long haul. The people who got off we telling me in their own way that they got on the wrong but and this was not the experience they'd signed up for. I have graduated to a whole new level in many ways (how I think of me, how others think of me, my sense of empowerment, etc., etc.) I deserve to associate with people who are just as proud and pleased with themselves as I am with myself. I guess I had to realize the exodus wasn't about me -- I didn't do anything wrong, my breath doesn't smell, and I'm not a bad friend. I though this quote was quite fitting for the situation. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have.
"Two [wo]men are equals - true equals - only when they both have
ARTHUR GOLDEN, Memoirs of a Geisha